To Swallow or Not to Swallow the System
When I was asked one time if I am contented with my life now, I was not able to answer. My mouth wanted to blurt out something but I didn’t know what I would actually say. With a sarcastic smile, I just changed the topic.
Perhaps I was able to change the topic during that time, but I cannot eradicate the fact that I could never ever escape with it. Indeed, I really hate escaping to things which I know I have to face. Now I’m going to ask the question to myself, “Am I really contented with my life now?”—well, my answer is really “No.”
It is really hard to be in a system we don’t want to be involved in. It is just up to us if we would let ourselves be devoured into the bourgeoisie, conservative, reactionary, and backward system or we would still be firmed with what we stand for. When I graduated in college years back, I already knew that I would face the real world and would see the real society where I am belong. My life after college eventually changed. I started to make some plans for myself without much influence from my parents. I would be held responsible in every consequence of the decisions I am to make. I have taught in an international school that has a demanding and backward system. I could even earn much of the salary I would like to but I realized my heart is still with the people who belong to marginalized sector in the society. I really wanted to serve them and so later on I decided to leave that school. For the mean time, I decided to devote my full time in organizing impoverish people in our community, most especially the abused women. At the same time, I was also reviewing for the Licensure Examination for Teachers (LET) because I was really eager and determined to pass so I can already teach in a public school. Luckily, I passed the LET and got my teacher’s license. I applied in a public school with some of my colleagues and we successfully passed. However, things came out far from what we expected. Getting hired in a public school still depends on the availability of slots and of the country’s budget in education, considering the low budget that the government allots in education. In addition, the what-so-called “palakasan system” will always be there. It is just awkward to think that the government is announcing in public the very large deficiencies of teachers in public schools but in reality, they are not able to hire teachers who are just waiting for slots. I am already aware with the deteriorating education system in the country like lack of books, chairs, classrooms and teachers but I became further aware how education system is really going on through my own experiences, aside from my off campus teaching experiences in college. That is the time I fully realized how the system in the society itself is having quagmire because it starts from the head down to its branches, influencing other institutions. Still, I would want to teach in a public school; perhaps, soon if not now.
I remembered my ex-boyfriend who asked me, “If you’re not going to be a teacher, what profession will you be into?” I looked at him in the eye inspired and told him that I would be a journalist. Yes I love teaching but my heart is really more into being a journalist or writer. I chose to be a teacher when I was in first year college and my passion in journalism was developed when I was in second year college. I would love to do documentaries and writing articles for the people just what I had used to do when I was in the publication during my college years. Much more to that, what really inspired me to be a journalist is that I will never be far away to a profession that is politically inclined and I will get to integrate with the masses in different places. I want to think out of the box; I want to go beyond the four walls of the classroom.
Neither I’ll be a teacher or a journalist for the still upcoming years, it doesn’t matter to me as long as I will find my real happiness and that is to be able to serve and organize the people even though I am in the field of my chosen profession. I could say that I am not yet contented with my life now because I haven’t gotten my goals in life yet. However, I know I am still young and many things will still come on my way. Years from now, things might change in me because of the absoluteness of things but this absoluteness will never change the principles I am always standing for. (STP!)