February 22, 2011
Last night I was drunk, but I couldn’t say “again.” Just so you know I’m not a wasted one, like drinking all the way to infinity. I just joined with my long lost friends whom one of them celebrated her birthday. I just wrote this because I remembered you once again after we separated almost three months from now. That night I was in the place where we first met. I know if you were there you wouldn’t let me drunk and would even be the one to take the responsibility of the shots that were supposed to be mine. It’s because I know you wouldn’t want me to act tipsy and drunken in front of the people, especially of some rude guys who might take advantage of girls. But I know that it would just be okay for you if I drink as much as I could only when I'm with you. However, it wasn’t about my drinking before that matters to me but it was the total security which I used to feel when I'm with you; though I know I could handle myself and everything would still be my own choice. Still, I appreciated that you respected my choice and I wanted to thank you for that.
Just so you know you’re the best thing that’s ever been mine. We've shared our dreams together. I told you I had really wanted to become a writer though I was certain that it would no longer gonna happen, I mean as a professional job, because I've chosen the path of being a teacher. Now, I’m already a professional one and I’m so happy. I also hope that you'll be happy with whatever path you take. You know I still wish you all the best.
After we broke up, my BFF asked me if there was still a chance to fix our relationship up. But I told her there wasn't,just like her face that could never be fixed. I stumbled and laughed so hard upon saying that and she almost cracked my head with her fist. Afterwards, I knelt down and cried a lot but it wasn’t because the ache on my head but with the ache on my heart which was the most hurtful. My BFF hugged me and apologized if she had hit me hard and I just said a yes. I knew then that it would take time to heal a broken heart and once it has been healed, traces of the cracks would still remain just like your memories inside of me.
We both know that we've shared almost everything. I've done the silliest thing which I think I could never do. All those things with you, I never regretted. Simply because I know there was love. I miss the warmth of your body, your hand that closes to mine, the tenderness of your lips, and your hug that I almost wanted to be tighten more until my bones haven’t cracked yet. There was a time I felt your very fast heartbeats, I just didn't know what that meant...
I do believe that in love, there is no such thing as fairness. Because there is the one who gives the most while the other one gives I couldn’t say the least but not as much as the one who gives the most. Because if one gives solely the most but the other one gives the least, I could say that it isn’t love at all but stupidity. Because in a relationship, the word “love” should always be an action word that requires an “effort” to work out. In our relationship, yes there was no fairness as what you might have thought. Perhaps you gave the most but that didn’t mean I gave the least.
The last time when you checked me out through text; I was happy. It wasn’t because I was still hopeful that we could still be together again as we were before though you were single and so was I. But I was happy because I knew we're still valuing each other although everyday communication wasn’t really that much with us.
Should you ask what this letter is for, I’ll say that this letter contains of my thoughts and insights about us which I failed to share with you before. Last night I was in the place where we first met and I realized that almost everything there was still in its place as it was before, except us. Then there were some flashbacks about you that came inside of me that almost swallowed my humanity. I tried to make the most out of that night but perhaps I’ve just got to a wrong place. I might haven’t totally moved on with you but believe me, “I’m moving on.”